Yes, some games are more addictive than others but you do not need a top 10 rating list of the most addictive games. The point here is that a person would move from one game to another so if your child starts with a game that is not highly addictive, he eventually would. Therefore, it is more important to prevent the problem from happening rather than worrying which game is addictive. Hand held games and consoles are no different. Their use should also be limited.

It is good that schools embrace technology and use its advantages to help children learn more. There are computer lessons in school and those with computers at home could make use of it at home under the guidance of parents. Most schools in fact require their students to do some of their assignments online. Therefore, it is not necessary for a child to buy a laptop when they can use their computer at home or if they do not have one, use it in school.

Schools that require the student to buy a laptop would have some kind of structured program so that the laptop is fully utilized. More computer lessons can be conducted and it is hoped that the students learn more. However, I think the disadvantages of having a personal laptop under the school system outweigh the benefits.

First, let me share my personal experience before giving you the facts. When I had to choose a secondary school for my son, I had in mind a school that required the purchase of a personal laptop. If I had a choice, I would not have chosen this school because I do not agree that this is a good way to educate my child. There were other factors that I considered to be more important including distance to home and these were the factors that made me decide on the school.

The experience of my child has confirmed what I disliked. Having said this, I must say that I made a conscious decision in choosing this school knowing well what might happen. I live with the consequences of this choice. Do I regret choosing this school? I am not sure. Now for the disadvantages. Your child would be spending a lot of time learning some of the new technology but will not really master it. By the time your child leaves school, whatever he has learnt will be outdated. I think this is time wasted. There are some basic computer skills which he would be good at, for example doing research, using email and maybe creating his own videos but these are skills students from other schools would learn as well.

Laptops weigh about 2 kilos. It may seem light and the child is supposed to bring less books to school but believe me, if you have carried one of their bags, you will know it is heavy especially for a child.

Schools have rules in place to prevent the misuse and abuse of the computer. Most children would eventually use their laptops to play games even in school and teachers would not be in a position to stop this.

Children would also use their laptops to play games at home. The school would be right in saying that parents are responsible to supervise and guide their children but this is merely giving parents more work to do and will not stop the problem of children playing games. It is like having a field trip to the bar to educate children on the dangers of drinking alcohol. Such an environment is simply not appropriate for children.

No, I do not think it is effective but it is necessary. The current rating system is like the one used for rating movies. Such a system does not really carry any warning that it is dangerous to health and it cannot do so. It would be good if it could carry a warning that says, “This game is highly addictive and is detrimental to your child’s studies.”

Cigarettes carry warning labels on each pack but this has not deterred people from smoking. There are public education campaigns and gory ads but they too don’t seem to work. If these things don’t work, then why are we still doing it? I really don’t know but somehow it seems necessary. Yes, this may not seem like a good answer but it’s the best I can think of.

It helps and you may want to do this occasionally. You could also spend time doing other things together.

I doubt it would have any significant impact. What happens is that your child goes through a short period of abstinence during the time he is in BMT. He may stop playing a while after that but he would probably relapse before his NS stint is over. This easily happens because during the weekends, he would have to opportunity to play and his old habits would come back.

Many, actually most children, do eventually spend less time playing. However, if your child is addicted, you will not know how long this is going to take. What if it gets worse and stays that way for the next 5 years? He may fail his exams and be left with no certificates to show. Maybe he could pass, maybe, but have problems in finding and keeping a job. You have to end up feeding him. There are too many maybes here. Are you prepared for this?

Elizabeth Wooley, a mother of a 21 year old gaming addict who shot himself once said, "Either you die, go insane or you quit. My son died." Actually the stats are in your favour. Less than one per cent will die (there may be one or two cases in Singapore so far), maybe 2 to 3 percent will go insane or give problems to society and the rest will eventually quit. Even for those who quit, they would probably have missed out a large part of their education and it is very difficult to get this back. The issue here also is, are you prepared for this and the other possible consequences?

In short, as few as possible. This may not seem to be the practical answer that you are looking for but the fact is that it is better for you to think that children are better off not playing any computer games. However, in reality they will come to discover the joys of gaming and if left unchecked, will demand for more and more. On the practical side, if you can limit gaming time to less than 10 hours a week, this would be ideal.

What you probably mean to ask is how can I persuade my son not to play so much computer games. Giving explanations is a straightforward matter. You can share what you know, refer to media reports or tell of stories but it will not have an impact on your child. Persuasion is a difficult skill and counsellors themselves are not trained to do this. Good salesmen have this skill and you can learn much from them.

Generally, it is not a good idea. There are better presents you can buy and if you have to make your child feel good so that you don’t look bad you may have a problem of pampering and spoiling your child. Let your child buy the games himself from his savings if he needs to, but do not encourage this.

It may be a good idea if you have got the situation under control. Since it is a powerful reward for children, it can be used to encourage other positive behaviours or to increase the time spent on those behaviours. However, not many parents know how to use rewards in an effective manner and you are probably better off after you have consulted someone trained in behaviourial psychology.

The name of his games are not really that important although it is good for you to find out. At least you “know” what are the games he is playing. If you have to ask this question, then it probably means that you are either not supervising him closely enough or that it is a problem that is of concern to you. You should be limiting his computer use no matter what type of games he is playing and if you have difficulty doing this, you need to seek help.

This would be the better alternative but it sounds as though you have difficulty in supervising him and he has so much free time that he can play at the LAN shop often. It is an indication that you are starting to have problems and you have to consider seeking help.

This may be a good idea if your child is not addicted. If you decide to do so, you need to replace it with something else meaningful which he could enjoy. However, if he is already addicted, you may be faced with violence or he may run away from home to play his games outside. Are you prepared for this?

Addiction is a strong word and it can be difficult for you to accept that your child is addicted to computer gaming. If you sense that you have lost control and your child is playing many hours a day and neglecting his other responsibilities he is quite likely to be addicted. As far as you are concerned, what matters is that you do something about it once you sense that there is a problem. You should seek help.

I suggest that you first speak to a counsellor to assess your problem. At this point, there is really no need for your child to take any kind of test as you probably know the situation very well. My belief is that you and your spouse should go for counselling first so that you can understand what had led to this problem and why you have difficulty limiting computer use. You need to talk about your fears - what would happen if you locked up the computer? Your fears are what prevent you from taking action.

If your fears are not addressed, nothing and no one can help you. This is because you will object to any plan that may be put forth to you because they will always be an element of uncertainty and risk which will raise your level of fear. Fear can prevent you from doing anything and you will not only feel helpless but believe that no one can help you come up with a solution.

After you have gone through personal or marital counselling, a plan of action needs to be discussed. Your counsellor should be able to discuss with you the alternatives available or you can find out more online. With the available information, you should make the decision together with your spouse (and some input from your counsellor) as to your next course of action.

Counselling is basically a problem solving process where a counsellor helps a person identify a problem, consider alternative solutions, making a decision and acting on that decision to solve the problem. In the process, support is given to help the person deal with uncertainties and mixed emotions that may hinder the problem solving process. In order for counselling to succeed, the person must see that there is a problem and is willing to talk and work towards solving the problem.

In the early stages, an addict who is in denial would not see that he has a problem and would therefore refuse to go for counselling. Therefore, this is not a practical option for parents. In the later stages a child may be more willing to go for counselling. However, in my view counselling alone for the child will not resolve the issue. It will either not work or there may be a small improvement but this will not be lasting as relapse will set in very quickly. From what is known in other countries, some form of treatment is usually necessary and this treatment would inevitably involve some form of counselling. This means that the practical and long term solution would be to find a suitable treatment centre/program for your child.

In my view, it is necessary for parents to go for counselling (lasting several sessions at least). In most cases, there are personal or marital issues that need to be resolved first. This includes identifying the factors that contribute to codependency, unrealistic expectations and emotional stability of the parent. The marital issues that need to be addressed are the beliefs that each parent has, the conflicting methods that are used to deal with the problem and the breakdown of marital relationship that is affecting the child. In many cases you will find that one parent is very strict (usually father) and the other very lenient (usually mother).

Once the above has been resolved, counselling can go on to the next stage where the purpose would be to help parents in a decision making process. They both have to agree on some kind of intervention plan which is to eventually send their child for treatment or to manage the situation themselves using consequences that they can agree on.

Yes, a child may not want to listen to the advice of parents. He may believe what his teachers teach him in primary school, but once he is a teen there is every likelihood that he may not even listen to his teachers on personal matters much less the advice of a counselor who is a total stranger to him. Anyway, counselling is not about giving advice to a child, it is about helping a person to work through his problems.

The reason your child will not want to see a counsellor is that he does not see that what he is doing is a problem. Counsellors cannot counsel a person who does not have a problem to begin with. Therefore, you are the one who has a problem, and I do not mean this in a negative way. The problem you have is that you are the one who is concerned with your child and you have difficulty getting your child to play less or seek treatment. You are the one who ought to see a counsellor and the purpose may be to understand the situation, discuss your alternatives and to make a decision as to what you should do.

What makes you think your child will talk to the counsellor when you are unable to bring him to see one? In all likelihood, your child will shut himself in the room and continue playing. If your child is willing to talk, bring him to see a counsellor.

When you approach a family service centre for counselling services, an intake officer would attend to your case and make an assessment and arrange for a counsellor to see your son on another day. If you want to see a private counsellor, they are usually very busy people and you generally have to make an appointment a few days in advance.

The fact that your son is prepared to talk to a counsellor does not mean that your case is urgent. It is natural for you to feel anxious as you have been unsuccessfully trying to get him to seek help. It also does not mean that your son is ready for counselling. He may have agreed because he wanted to stop you from nagging at him or said it on impulse as he did not know what else to say since he did badly for his exams.

If you want to get him to see a counsellor immediately, you have to consider the risks involved. It is possible that your son is not ready for counselling and he may end up having a negative experience for the session. He may see it as a waste of time or that you have put him to shame for bringing up his habit to a counsellor. This will jeopardize your future efforts in getting him to seek treatment. If your son is ready for counselling, it is easier for change to take place and he would not be too antagonistic towards you.

No one can really be sure about this. When your son says that he is willing to go for counselling, make an appointment and inform him of the date. Before the appointment, discuss with him how he feels about seeing a counsellor and provide encouragement for him to talk about his concerns. You would need to understand what counselling is all about so that you can give him the necessary answers to his questions. Remind him the day before the appointment and when he eventually goes, he may be ready. This is because he would have a few days to think about this and if he has any objections and refuse to go, then he is not ready and you should call to cancel the appointment.

At present, I am not aware of any recognized training qualifications for computer gaming addictions. If there are any such experts, these would be the people who have had experience in handling such cases. Most counsellors are trained in working with families and children while others and psychiatrists may be trained in handling various types of addictions. While I am not able to recommend a person in particular, I could recommend that you see someone who has experience in computer gaming addiction or for other types of addiction.

This is not a straightforward matter as your son is not likely to go for counselling much less going for treatment. Therefore the first thing you should do is to go for counselling together with your spouse. This is to help you understand your situation better and for you and your spouse to decide the course of action to take. You would also have obtained information on the various resources and treatment options available in Singapore. After you have decided that you want to send your son for treatment, you need to contact the treatment centre to find out the details of the treatment like the duration and methods used.

Prior arrangements need to be made so that admission procedures will go smoothly. Now comes the tricky part as your son would not to go to the treatment centre. If you were in the United States, you could find a professional who could work with you on a method called an intervention to get your son to be admitted to the treatment centre. The reported success rate of this is around 80 - 90% but I am not aware of this being available in Singapore. Your options are basically to seek the advice of the treatment centre or speak to your counsellor. If you do not find this useful, I am afraid treatment in Singapore is not a practical option at this point.

First of all, you have to be aware of the law. You can only put a child in a home (by court order) if he is below 16 years of age and is beyond parental control. The duration of stay is one to two years. If your child continues to go to school, you may have a hard time proving that your child is beyond parental control since he would also tend to stay at home to play his games. I am not sure how the courts would treat such a case as there is a likelihood that your case would be referred for some form of counselling. I am also not aware of any cases since parents are usually reluctant to take this step.

It depends on what you are looking for. This is not a magical solution and you should consider other options first. Do this only if it is your last resort and be prepared that your relationship with your child would be affected.

Your son may have benefitted from counselling which is why he improved. However, you need to be aware that in addiction cases, relapse rates are very high and it is normal for your son to relapse. You can go back to your counsellor to continue but if your son refuses to go, then you will have to consider other alternatives which is highlighted in this website. On the other hand, counselling may not have been appropriate for your son. He was not ready for this and went because he was coerced You could still go back to the counsellor for further advice.

All the different advice you get can confuse you. You would also probably have tried what has been suggested but it has not worked. When you get advice, there are a few things to consider.

• Have you given sufficient and relevant information to the person you talked to?
• What are the reasons and the thinking behind the method suggested?
• If it has been tried, what are the reasons behind your failure?

Since you are dealing with a difficult situation, seek a second opinion or even a third opinion from another counsellor. It is like seeing different specialist when you have a serious or complicated medical condition. When you do get differing opinions, do not be afraid to raise your concerns with the different counsellors because they are there to help you sort out your confusion. Be open with the counsellors whom you are seeing by informing them that you are seeking a second opinion. Ultimately, you have to make a decision as to how you are going to handle the problem. However, making this decision is difficult and you may not be ready to make this decision. This is fine. You then need to seek support from one of the local resources indicated at this link.